...Because You're Wrong & I Hate You

Happy Friday!

Before I get into it, I'd like to point out that today is officially (probably not, but to me) National Adele Day! I'm currently blasting her new album, "25", on our soundbar. At 7:30am. I accept the flaming bag of shit on my porch when I get home. Totally worth it!

*tear* Brb guys...

 

 

 

 

 

 

And I love it.

Okay, so, all of you who have Facebook/Twitter/A phone with internet access know that the social media experts are out and packin' it heavy right now regarding Syrian refugees. In the wake of last Friday's Paris attacks, the arguments have been plentiful and - while not funny in what it's about - hilarious to watch. This leads me to my topic today... The different types of social media debaters we all come across.

Let that beat drop!

1) The Adam

This guy.

There are two subcategories of the Adam:
     a. The Adam who hates you because you actually are wrong and annoying, but he's lacking the intellectual capacity to take it with a grain of salt. Now, I'll admit, I've been an Adam before because, at that time, I actually thought people could see the light and we're just stubborn; but then I learned that they really do have their heads that far up their asses and I had no desire to help them find it, so now I know how to let it gooo, let it gooo! Now, I just ask the actual question at hand:

It tends to go over pretty well...

    b. The alternate Adam, this one, hates you because you're right, but they disagree with you, and like the dimwitted, fit-throwing adult child they are, they turn it into a "I will hold me breath and stomp my feet until I pass out flat on this filthy floor before I even give your argument - that happens to have a lot of factual backing - the time of day because you're wrong and I hate you" type of situation.

And I don't even know why, but I can't go back now. I'm too far committed...

So, let the fit commence...

2) The Bubba (I literally Googled "most redneck names" and this came up, so here we are)

The Bubba is the guy who, you're pretty sure, isn't even trying to sound literate:

What. Are. You. Saying?

This one, like, you know they've got an opinion in there somewhere - albeit an opinion warped by being 50 shades of out of touch with the almost 2016 universe - but you can't find it because you have no idea what the fuck they're saying...

Yeuh... I mean. the bombs and the chickens were screamin and I aint even got Ersela outta been in days. The goddamn liberals and that damn muslim obama, is why the tractor isn't working!

Uh...

Hahaha. I just... I don't know.

Okay, Bub... I hope you and your chickens catch a break with that damn tractor. Haha - I mean, obviously that's an extreme example, but you know who I'm talking about... And if you don't know who I'm talking about, you're that person and you need to read more books.
3) The Conspiracy Theorists

I know this is broad, so let's narrow it to one that's especially prevalent in today's social media lawyer's association: GODDAMNIT OBAMA! Your mere existence with no actual hand in the matter has caused everything! HOW DO YOU SLEEP AT NIGHT!?! Oh great, now my fingers hurt from typing so hard in my patriotic rage...

Asshole.

I mean, honestly though. The second I see "Obama" in anyone's "argument," they immediately lose my attention and respect. What if I told you one single man can't control the actions of billions of people? If you don't like him, that's fine; but to actually, publicly blame every single thing that happens, on him, is juvenile and makes you look like a fuck. Do some research and build basis for your argument; instead of copping out by blaming Obama and getting false reinforcement from your equally uneducated circle of people. Do we still talk about Bush started all of this shit? No. We don't. Because we are far beyond that and we understand that. But, in the mean time...

Not your God though... The one that like loves everyone and what not.

This leads me to my last type of debater... The one whom, while I respect their willingness to educate themselves, there is NO time or room for it on social media.

4) The Scholar

You know this person. The one who, after you type like a sentence or two, they come back with 12 paragraphs, pie graphs, and charts to prove why your opinion doesn't line up exactly with theirs... Like, whoa bro, that escalated quickly...

You're at a 27... I need you to come back to like, a 3.

Seriously though... Who has time for that!? Chill out - it's Facebook! Just take whatever you have in your noggin at the time, crunch it into an acceptable length of text, and send it into the abyss. I stop reading after line 4, just a heads up. I got shit to get done.

So, yeah. At least, those are the types that I've come across. I could go on and on, and into more detail, but I have to go to work and stack dat papah.

Later boners!

Okay, not really, but I gotta pay bills. Bye y'all - have a great Friday! Until next time, Witte out.

The Day After...

Hey everyone...

In light of the attacks in Paris yesterday, I'd hope to nobody's surprise, today's blog will be lacking it's usual humor and sarcasm. There's nothing humorous or sarcastic about a group of individuals with hearts full of hate, and minds full of weakness, attacking and killing at least 120 people, while injuring many, many more. Yesterday, I found tears in my eyes while I continued to receive updates on the horror taking place in a city that emanates love; today, I feel the hangover. My heart feels heavy, my body is tense, and my empathy for the loss of life and the loss of joy is digging a hole in me.

However, in the midst of the sadness, I find that not all share those feelings. They are not mourning for the violent loss of innocent human lives, they are not mourning for the shattering of a beautiful city by the detonation of explosives, and they are not mourning for those who had to wake up today with their loved ones not next to them. No. They are perpetuating the same hate that drove this Islamic group to commit this horrific act by spewing it at the Muslim culture as a whole, and at the refugees who are trying to escape this exact violence.

I invite those people to put yourselves in the shoes of those you are condemning as a result of the actions of a microcosm of their population. Imagine, just for a day, that you were in a new place, finally free from the sound of gunfire, the stain of blood, and the images of violence - you finally made it to a place where you are safe. Yet, once you're awoken from your daydream of solace, you find that people look at you in a certain way. You no longer see a gaze of welcome, with hands out full of offerings. No, that's gone because an extremist group of people who look like you, who don't have strength in their souls or the love in their hearts to be good, committed a horrendous act against humanity. So, as a result, you are now seen as a terrorist. People who once came to you with open arms, now turn their shoulders, only to glance over with fear, with hatred. Not because they are mad at you, but because you look like someone that they are mad at. Now, you're in a new hell, where you are the enemy.

Imagine that, just for a moment, and then rethink the circulation of hate that you are giving life to. I know it's hard to do because we, in these richer nations - namely the United States - cannot imagine a world where we go to sleep, not to the sound of our televisions or to the sound box that takes you to the forest, but to the sound of gunfire. Of explosions. Of your home being burnt to the ground around you while you just wait to be next. Instead, we wake up in our cozy beds, drive to Starbucks, and get mad about a cup not having snowflakes on it. It's time to reflect on ourselves, and take a moment to step outside of ourselves to truly feel compassion for all who were and will continue to be affected by this. We are all humans, we are all sad, we are all angry, and we are all hurt; but that sadness, anger, and that hurt needs to be directed at the group who did this, not at the people who were unfortunate enough to live in the same geographical location as that group.

Further, I find that the gun argument is getting some light. Either "they wouldn't have died if they all had just been strapped," or "this is more proof that we need stricter gun laws." Both of those are asinine and have no place in this discussion. Save that for your Facebook quarrels. Guns weren't the weapon in these attacks - hatred was the weapon. Weak minds were the weapon. Guns and explosives were the means by which those weapons were able to operate. So, before you continue to use this tragedy as a stage for your own personal opinions on political topics, remember that. Step back for a second and acknowledge the fucking tragedy that has taken place. Can we, for one day, forget politics, forget conflicts, and just mourn together as humans while we try to understand why this happened to our people and what we can do to ensure that it doesn't happen again.

In the end, what I saw was taxi drivers taking people home for free; hashtags being spread like wildfire on Twitter offering safe places to stay for those unable to find one; police officers storming into the concert hall knowing that there were gunmen on the other side of the door, armed and willing to take their lives, but without hesitation to save the people they've been employed to protect; national monuments around the world lighting up in blue, white and red in support of France; volunteers lining up to donate blood for those injured in the attacks; and complete strangers crying because of the tragedy that had taken place on Earth's soil. That's what I saw. I saw love, and it was and continues to be beautiful. That group - who, if you haven't noticed, I refuse to call by name - will not win if we continue to try a little bit harder every day to love the person next to us. Whether it's your spouse, your kids, your friends, or a complete stranger, this world needs more love to cover up the despicable hate that's bringing us all to our knees.

All I know is that when my girlfriend got home last night, I held her for a little bit longer with a grateful and thankful sense that I was able to; yet with a sting of sadness for those who would never be able to hold their loved ones again. Love each other. It will heal us, and maybe 20 years from now we'll be able to explain to our kids how we lived on such a violent planet, but moreover, how we pulled ourselves out of it by loving one another. I hope everyone has a humble Saturday. I love you all.

Peace to Paris - we all stand with you while we grieve.

HELLO, IT'S ME!

YOU GUYS!

Oh my gosh... It's been so long since I've been here! How's everyone? Are the kids all grown up? Did little Bobby ever make it to the pros? Aw, that's great to hear!

Alright, now that we've all caught up and things are great,

And defeat those Huns! (If you aren't aware of what this is, you may exit stage left now.)

Okay, so this blog doesn't have a specific theme since I've been a lazy ass, albeit a busy one, and haven't taken time to spit some truth at y'all in a while! So, here we go, on this wheel of random wonder...

First topic at hand is when someone hates you in the way that the world hates Hitler and you can't, for the life of you, figure out why. Backstory: I started this new job at a small law firm at the end of August. When I say "small," I mean there are four (4) (<-- that's a legal form thing, look at me go) of us. There are two attorneys, who are cool... But then there's this female. I know, that explains it all; why go on, right? WRONG! I imagine if she were to meet the aforementioned, universally hated man, she'd probably be nicer to him than she is to me. I can't figure out why this is, which leads me to the meat of the topic... Speculation! Yay!

Here are a few theories as to how and/or why someone dislikes you and you can't figure out why:

1) Your mere presence annoys them to the point of hatred. In which case,

You can't change that... BABY YOU WAS BORN THAT WAY!

2) You've said something, in the presumably short number of words you've said to them as a result of their spewing dislike toward you, that has offended them. In which case,

Toughen up soldier! All I did was ask if you wanted a coffee. Myyy Baddd!

3) They're jealous of you for some reason unbeknownst to you. I mean, granted, you know you fly like Queen B, but shoot, why you gotta hate on my shine? In which case,

NO, I'm not! Why, you ask? Well...

Haha, I'm kidding... Kind of... I mean, unless you're not...

But really, if it's jealousy then swerve sista, and get in your lane! I thought we all learned this in high school, but I guess mine was on a different planet...

Stand together ladies! Don't bring each other down!

Okay, enough on that. Let's talk about the big red cup in the room. Yes, the CUP that has been generating all of this drama (re-read that sentence just to make sure we're all equally humored by how ridiculous this is)...

These... These are the culprits. You little fuckers. How dare you be so bare.

And Starbucks' statement on their reasoning behind removing the snowflakes or whatever other bullshit was on their bullshit overpriced cup of Joe by saying that they "wanted to usher in the holidays with a purity of design that welcomes all of our stories."

Um...

Ain't nobody got time or room in their heart for stories and cultures and integration and shit. Get outta here.

I don't know about you guys, but I am blasphefied (just go with it)! Why? Because there is absolutely nothing else going on in this world worse than Starbucks taking an espresso shot at Jesus by redesigning their cups to remove symbols of a holiday inspired by Him and catered to Christianity, but taken over by a fictional character who contributes to the greed of materialism. I know that Jesus would not try to be Starbucks' homeboy, that's fosho... Nothing else. Anywhere. Going on.

God Bless Him... Or Him Bless Him? I don't know, whatever, he's right.

I mean, truthfully, get a hobby if you're seriously offended by a cup. You know what offends me? A little 19-year old fucker at Mizzou threatening to "shoot every black person [he] sees." That shit offends me. You know what else offends me? All of the death and destruction going on in the Middle East that no one seems to want to talk about because we're safe over here in the states where the worst thing happening, apparently, is a venti sized attack on Christians. That offends me. As a human being, those things offend me. If you're standing in line at Starbucks for a coffee, something tells me someone else is having a harder day than you. All of the people complaining that this world is too politically correct these days are the ones are who are offended by a cup, and other things of the like. Basically...

Even Snooki knows.

So yeah, that is my welcome back blog. I had to do if kind of fast because I'm currently late for work... But I missed you guy so sacrifices must be made! On that note, I gotsta go! I love you all and have a great Thursday! Until next time, Witte out!