...Because You're Wrong & I Hate You

Happy Friday!

Before I get into it, I'd like to point out that today is officially (probably not, but to me) National Adele Day! I'm currently blasting her new album, "25", on our soundbar. At 7:30am. I accept the flaming bag of shit on my porch when I get home. Totally worth it!

*tear* Brb guys...

 

 

 

 

 

 

And I love it.

Okay, so, all of you who have Facebook/Twitter/A phone with internet access know that the social media experts are out and packin' it heavy right now regarding Syrian refugees. In the wake of last Friday's Paris attacks, the arguments have been plentiful and - while not funny in what it's about - hilarious to watch. This leads me to my topic today... The different types of social media debaters we all come across.

Let that beat drop!

1) The Adam

This guy.

There are two subcategories of the Adam:
     a. The Adam who hates you because you actually are wrong and annoying, but he's lacking the intellectual capacity to take it with a grain of salt. Now, I'll admit, I've been an Adam before because, at that time, I actually thought people could see the light and we're just stubborn; but then I learned that they really do have their heads that far up their asses and I had no desire to help them find it, so now I know how to let it gooo, let it gooo! Now, I just ask the actual question at hand:

It tends to go over pretty well...

    b. The alternate Adam, this one, hates you because you're right, but they disagree with you, and like the dimwitted, fit-throwing adult child they are, they turn it into a "I will hold me breath and stomp my feet until I pass out flat on this filthy floor before I even give your argument - that happens to have a lot of factual backing - the time of day because you're wrong and I hate you" type of situation.

And I don't even know why, but I can't go back now. I'm too far committed...

So, let the fit commence...

2) The Bubba (I literally Googled "most redneck names" and this came up, so here we are)

The Bubba is the guy who, you're pretty sure, isn't even trying to sound literate:

What. Are. You. Saying?

This one, like, you know they've got an opinion in there somewhere - albeit an opinion warped by being 50 shades of out of touch with the almost 2016 universe - but you can't find it because you have no idea what the fuck they're saying...

Yeuh... I mean. the bombs and the chickens were screamin and I aint even got Ersela outta been in days. The goddamn liberals and that damn muslim obama, is why the tractor isn't working!

Uh...

Hahaha. I just... I don't know.

Okay, Bub... I hope you and your chickens catch a break with that damn tractor. Haha - I mean, obviously that's an extreme example, but you know who I'm talking about... And if you don't know who I'm talking about, you're that person and you need to read more books.
3) The Conspiracy Theorists

I know this is broad, so let's narrow it to one that's especially prevalent in today's social media lawyer's association: GODDAMNIT OBAMA! Your mere existence with no actual hand in the matter has caused everything! HOW DO YOU SLEEP AT NIGHT!?! Oh great, now my fingers hurt from typing so hard in my patriotic rage...

Asshole.

I mean, honestly though. The second I see "Obama" in anyone's "argument," they immediately lose my attention and respect. What if I told you one single man can't control the actions of billions of people? If you don't like him, that's fine; but to actually, publicly blame every single thing that happens, on him, is juvenile and makes you look like a fuck. Do some research and build basis for your argument; instead of copping out by blaming Obama and getting false reinforcement from your equally uneducated circle of people. Do we still talk about Bush started all of this shit? No. We don't. Because we are far beyond that and we understand that. But, in the mean time...

Not your God though... The one that like loves everyone and what not.

This leads me to my last type of debater... The one whom, while I respect their willingness to educate themselves, there is NO time or room for it on social media.

4) The Scholar

You know this person. The one who, after you type like a sentence or two, they come back with 12 paragraphs, pie graphs, and charts to prove why your opinion doesn't line up exactly with theirs... Like, whoa bro, that escalated quickly...

You're at a 27... I need you to come back to like, a 3.

Seriously though... Who has time for that!? Chill out - it's Facebook! Just take whatever you have in your noggin at the time, crunch it into an acceptable length of text, and send it into the abyss. I stop reading after line 4, just a heads up. I got shit to get done.

So, yeah. At least, those are the types that I've come across. I could go on and on, and into more detail, but I have to go to work and stack dat papah.

Later boners!

Okay, not really, but I gotta pay bills. Bye y'all - have a great Friday! Until next time, Witte out.