HELLO, IT'S ME!

YOU GUYS!

Oh my gosh... It's been so long since I've been here! How's everyone? Are the kids all grown up? Did little Bobby ever make it to the pros? Aw, that's great to hear!

Alright, now that we've all caught up and things are great,

And defeat those Huns! (If you aren't aware of what this is, you may exit stage left now.)

Okay, so this blog doesn't have a specific theme since I've been a lazy ass, albeit a busy one, and haven't taken time to spit some truth at y'all in a while! So, here we go, on this wheel of random wonder...

First topic at hand is when someone hates you in the way that the world hates Hitler and you can't, for the life of you, figure out why. Backstory: I started this new job at a small law firm at the end of August. When I say "small," I mean there are four (4) (<-- that's a legal form thing, look at me go) of us. There are two attorneys, who are cool... But then there's this female. I know, that explains it all; why go on, right? WRONG! I imagine if she were to meet the aforementioned, universally hated man, she'd probably be nicer to him than she is to me. I can't figure out why this is, which leads me to the meat of the topic... Speculation! Yay!

Here are a few theories as to how and/or why someone dislikes you and you can't figure out why:

1) Your mere presence annoys them to the point of hatred. In which case,

You can't change that... BABY YOU WAS BORN THAT WAY!

2) You've said something, in the presumably short number of words you've said to them as a result of their spewing dislike toward you, that has offended them. In which case,

Toughen up soldier! All I did was ask if you wanted a coffee. Myyy Baddd!

3) They're jealous of you for some reason unbeknownst to you. I mean, granted, you know you fly like Queen B, but shoot, why you gotta hate on my shine? In which case,

NO, I'm not! Why, you ask? Well...

Haha, I'm kidding... Kind of... I mean, unless you're not...

But really, if it's jealousy then swerve sista, and get in your lane! I thought we all learned this in high school, but I guess mine was on a different planet...

Stand together ladies! Don't bring each other down!

Okay, enough on that. Let's talk about the big red cup in the room. Yes, the CUP that has been generating all of this drama (re-read that sentence just to make sure we're all equally humored by how ridiculous this is)...

These... These are the culprits. You little fuckers. How dare you be so bare.

And Starbucks' statement on their reasoning behind removing the snowflakes or whatever other bullshit was on their bullshit overpriced cup of Joe by saying that they "wanted to usher in the holidays with a purity of design that welcomes all of our stories."

Um...

Ain't nobody got time or room in their heart for stories and cultures and integration and shit. Get outta here.

I don't know about you guys, but I am blasphefied (just go with it)! Why? Because there is absolutely nothing else going on in this world worse than Starbucks taking an espresso shot at Jesus by redesigning their cups to remove symbols of a holiday inspired by Him and catered to Christianity, but taken over by a fictional character who contributes to the greed of materialism. I know that Jesus would not try to be Starbucks' homeboy, that's fosho... Nothing else. Anywhere. Going on.

God Bless Him... Or Him Bless Him? I don't know, whatever, he's right.

I mean, truthfully, get a hobby if you're seriously offended by a cup. You know what offends me? A little 19-year old fucker at Mizzou threatening to "shoot every black person [he] sees." That shit offends me. You know what else offends me? All of the death and destruction going on in the Middle East that no one seems to want to talk about because we're safe over here in the states where the worst thing happening, apparently, is a venti sized attack on Christians. That offends me. As a human being, those things offend me. If you're standing in line at Starbucks for a coffee, something tells me someone else is having a harder day than you. All of the people complaining that this world is too politically correct these days are the ones are who are offended by a cup, and other things of the like. Basically...

Even Snooki knows.

So yeah, that is my welcome back blog. I had to do if kind of fast because I'm currently late for work... But I missed you guy so sacrifices must be made! On that note, I gotsta go! I love you all and have a great Thursday! Until next time, Witte out!