I'm 50 Shades of Over This Shit

Heyyooo! Happy Tuesday!
Today's topic is a bit less humorous than its precedents... Sandra Bland. Michael Brown. Eric Garner. Freddie Gray. I could go on and on with the list of unarmed people unjustifiably killed as a result of their contact with law enforcement. I'm so beyond tired of hearing about poorly trained, poorly disciplined police officers with a moral compass that's fucked six ways to Sunday. Now, don't you go flying off the handle thinking "This hippie liberal is anti-cop! Burn her at the stake!" No, I'm not. I'm far from that, actually, as I have friends who are cops; and I can tell you that those friends would never kill someone unarmed since that's, y'know, like, murder and stuff.

I get it - I can't really talk until I've been put in the stressful situations that cops face every day. I know! Again, my friends are cops and I love them and they do a fantastic job... But if you're going to try to tell me that this guy:

Walter Scott getting shot in the back numerous times as he runs away from cowardly cop.

And these guys:

Freddie Gray being dragged by 3 cops who apparently aren't able to properly utilize their Academy training and defuse harmless situations.

 
And this fucker:

Apparently this cop played hookie from English class since he was 5 and couldn't understand Eric Garner telling him that he couldn't breathe.

If you're going to try to tell me that all of these cops were facing imminent threat and had no option but to kill these guys, I'd say you're lying like a stripper in church claiming she's pure.

Especially when this cop is being charged by a double murder suspect, who's demanding that the cop shoot him, and the cop is able to take the situation from death to diffusion:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BVQYgoXk2Nw
(I don't know how to make the link a word so it's less annoying, so... Here we are.)
  
But, to the untrained eye, the aforementioned scenarios seem normal. However, just for fun, let's compare, shall we?

This asshole killed 9 innocent people in their place of worship and is getting frolicked around with a bullet proof vest.

 
But, he wasn't shown affection as a kid, so he needs it. What about this?

Ole boy walked into a theater while people were trying to enjoy a film and killed 12 innocent moviegoers - and all the cops do with him is playing some human jump rope.

But, he's mentally ill, so that's protocol.

Ooooh, okay, I get it. As long as you're white and kill at least more people than you can count on one hand for no reason whatsoever, you'll make it to your prison cell in one piece. Well shit... Someone should've told all those unarmed black people that all they had to do was be white and kill 5+ people to live. How did they not already know that? I mean, c'mon, it's common sense you guys.

I know, I know... This topic is what some would say "worn out," but I can tell you that if it were white people being killed whilst innocent at the rate that black people are, there wouldn't just be hashtags and empty wishes circulating the Internet. The suits in Congress would finally agree on something and pass police reform legislation, I'll tell you that. I'm not saying it's always about race, but that shit is way too prominent for it to not be relevant. Where this all came from was seeing on Twitter that a man named Sam Dubose was shot in the face/head during a routine traffic stop last week... And the cop was wearing a vest camera. Has that video released yet? No. Why? Because even the police chief and the city attorney say "it's bad." What that indicates is that the cop literally executed this guy. "To protect and serve;" I don't think that means what they think it means.

Further, I honestly just...

If I hear one more person say the following, I am going to lose it: "If they had just complied, they'd be alive..."

...

.. GAHHHHHH!!!!

And that shit will be justified because BYD (Bitch You Dumb)!

Until you are part of the population that has to be educated on how to act on the street so that they aren't harassed excessively by law enforcement, shut your incapable of empathizing ass up. You can feel bad (i.e. sympathy), but don't act like you know what it's like to be socially stratified into a group who's mere appearance makes them a target for law enforcement's suspicion. I feel incredibly sorry for and sick for and angry for the community who continues to lose their members unnecessarily at the hands of law enforcement; but I cannot and will not sit here and say that I understand it. I don't... Because if I could understand it, that would mean that legislation has already gone through stages of completion to make a change and numerous cops have already been sentenced to prison for murder.

In the end, I'm tired of it man. I'm so tired of it.

I apologize if this is pretty heavy compared to what I usually talk about, but this blog is called "Witte's World," which means I can talk about whatever I want. Today, that just so happened to be some baby back bullshit that needs fixing real quick.

I love (like in the generic, y'all are human so you're my people, kind of love; not the real one because I don't know everyone) everyone and I can't wait until the day that criminals are justly faced with consequences of their crimes - whether or not those criminals wore suits and/or badges.

I swear the next blog will be a "LOL"-er! Until next time, Witte out.

Sit Yo Ass Down

Hola!

Earlier today, I came across a video of a Pastor named Dewey Smith, seen below because this saint of a Pastor and man deserves his face to be shown:

Look at this good lookin' God man!

In the video (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6rHhW3Fnk6I), Pastor Smith is calling out Christians on their hypocrisy. He says that they pick and choose which scriptures they like to fit their agenda, without including the ones that aren't as favorable. He tells them to look at their own mixed-linen wearing lives before they try to cite Leviticus as they condemn homosexuals. A few quotes from the video are as follows:

"We demonize and dehumanize the same people that we use; and we don't say nothing about the gay choir director because he's good for business. As long as the choir sound good, I ain't saying nothing about his sexuality. We have done what the slave masters did to us - dehumanize us, degrade us, demonize us; then use them for our advantage."

"On one hand, you quote that homosexuality is an abomination from Leviticus; but you say that right after you ate some shrimp, some catfish, and some lobster... It's also in Leviticus that you shouldn't wear mixed linens. It's in Leviticus that if your wife is on her cycle, that you shouldn't go in the same house with her or even sleep on the same bed with her."

"You can't evangelize and antagonize at the same time. You cannot insult, and inspire the same people that you insult."

"Don't tell me what the Bible says about homosexuals, and you change wives like we change underwear. Sit your hypocritical self down."

I just... All I have is...

Honestly, bravo dude! Seeing this badass God man calling out his fellow Christians on being hypocritical was extremely refreshing and reassuring that they're not all crazy and judgmental - just the ones who have a national platform to make a fool of themselves on. This leads me to my topic today: Practicing what you preach. That muthafucka. I don't know about you guys (and I'm not saying I'm 100% innocent of it), but hypocrites are easily top 7 most annoying things ever.

I'll admit... I tell my girlfriend to clean up after herself, all the while I occasionally leave behind my mess. I'm not proud of it. I make sure I know how much I suck when I do it. And I try to not do it again. Others, unfortunately, own and hone in on their hypocrisy daily without a single fuck given of how ridiculous it makes them looks; and how poorly it reflects their character.

Now to my favorite time in the blog - EXAMPLE TIME! Yay!

I've already pointed out the hypocrisy of religious folk with the help of my buddy, Pastor Smith, so we'll leave that alone (for now). Let's talk about when girls can post all these selfies of themselves, clearly fishing for attention; but if her boo does it...

As my dad would say, "BYD," or "Bitch You Dumb." If your boo boo skabooty can't post pictures of themselves because you're too insecure for them to get attention, but you can do it since you can "share pictures with your friends," then you need to reassess your bitch ass backwards self because that is not cool.

*Sidebar* The same girls putting their shit all out there for everyone to see are the ones asking "where the real men at?" Um, well I can assure you the real men are not looking for attention whor... Females. The real men you're looking for are with the real ladies out there who leave some for the imagination, are humble, and present more than a selfie to offer. When that make-up comes off, or you go through a binge eating, no exercise phase, that selfie isn't going to keep the fools you're attracting, around. You attract the people who you project as being like. Lead with your mind, let the looks be a perk. The right person will love it all, regardless:

Hal saw her for her inside self, not her 350 pound real self. Although he was quite turned off once his magical beer goggles disappeared; but that's beside the point.

*Back to primary point*

And now, for the boys. Ooh no, you're not getting off that easy. I was at work when this group of guys were saying shit like "It's so easy to make a man happy - have dinner ready and a beer open when I get home. That's all." Is that the secret? Okay, all this time I thought relationships were a two-way street where everyone puts in equal effort. Silly me. I let them talk out their ass for a bit before I interjected with a shocking suggestion - maybe you should consider practicing what you preach as being the ideal partner, get off your lazy, entitled ass, and make your woman some fucking pasta and open some goddamn wine for her. How about that?

Another instance is this dude I used to follow on Twitter. He's a rapper and I actually really enjoyed his music... But then he did it. He fucking did it. He posted a tweet about how if women want a real man, they need to act like a lady. I'm aware that I just, a mere 2 paragraphs ago, said the same thing; however, this particular male is saying this while wearing a beanie that reads "DRUGS" and boasts about how many groupies he fucks. If you're the real man that you're referring to in that tweet, than I don't want a real man. A real man carries himself as such, and offers chivalry, protection, respect and adoration to woman. To you, sir...

Get the hell outta here, with your "DRUGS" beanie wearing, serial sexing self, telling women they need to be a lady to get you.

It's safe to say I unfollowed him and I've become much more critical of his art, decreasing the number of his songs on my iPhone from like 50 to 3.

Yeah, so those are my thoughts on practicing what you preach. Unless you plan on following what you're saying, keep your trap shut because nobody wants to hear it then be forced to avoid confrontation by not calling you out on your shit.

 I hope y'all have a happy Sunday Funday! Keep being awesome and until next time, Witte out.

And the Darwin Award Goes To...

Hey guys!

I know it's been a while since I've written, but it's been a doozy of a few weeks!

Anways, today's topic is Darwinism... And, no, I'm not looking to get into some existential debate on evolution versus creationism. I don't really care because whatever, we're all here being stupid anyways; which takes me to the portion of Darwinism I'd like to discuss: Natural Selection. Essentially, good ol' Darwin asserted that evolution was driven by natural selection, which is the discrepant reproduction/fitness and survival capabilities of individuals as part of their phenotype, leading to their reproduction and evolution being favored over the less able. In layman's terms, only the strong survive.

Where did this come from, you wonder? Well, I was browsing through Reddit and came across a story of a guy out of La Jolla, CA. This guy tried to get a selfie with a rattlesnake. Yes, you read that correctly - he attempted to get close enough to a fucking RATTLESNAKE to get a selfie and not surprisingly at all, the snake was not feeling it. The snake said fuck you and bit the shit out of the guy's arm. And now - don't get me wrong, I think the price of health care in our country is shameful and completely outrageous - his medical bill is sparking a "national debate." A national debate because he tried to take a selfie with a rattlesnake and the bitch bit him... Like...

His bill is a little over $150,000 because they had to use all the anti-venom known to man, apparently, to save his dumbass. Again, do I think medical billing is greedy as hell and embarrassing as a citizen of this ass backwards health care industrialized country? Yes, 100%. However, do I feel bad that this guy has a fat bill because he tried to take a selfie with a poisonous, inherently dickish reptile? No, not at all. I feel bad for the kid with cancer with that same medical bill. This guy can go kick rocks... Maybe buy stock in selfie sticks to pay off those bills, for the sake of irony.

Onto the next story of people who, how they made it through infancy, I'll never know. Arizona's law on wearing helmets while operating a motorcycle amongst the path of vehicles is that only riders 17 years old and younger are required by law to wear helmets (only 19 states requires all riders to wear a helmet). Okay, I mean, they have that law but there's no way people actually take advantage of that absurd lack of safety precaution written into state law, right?

Oh no, people do. They weave through traffic, come out of nowhere, and speed excessively without any protection for their noggins. If you've ever driven a vehicle in Arizona, you'll know that people suuuuuuck at driving here. Luckily, having lived and driven in California, where motorcyclists can drive in between lanes, I'm seasoned in being hyper-aware of motorcyclists. However, in the past 4 months alone, I've seen two motorcyclists laid out on the pavement after being struck by a car, and they don't have a helmet on. I'm not assumptious enough to say they would've been in better shape had they been wearing a helmet, but I think chances of quicker recovery would've increased significantly if that were the case. In the end...

 

  

So, while we can have the creationism versus evolution debate until we're blue in the face, there's no arguing that evolution has a much more effective way of controlling the intellectual integrity of the human population. I mean, do what you want, but don't complain once that snake bites you. That little voice of hesitation is who we refer to as common sense, and that little buggar, whilst annoying and mom-like at times, is usually right. Believe me, I've done some questionable and stupid shit, but once that whisper turns into a scream, I tend to listen. So, yeah...

(Replace having sex with being a fucking moron.)

Anddd that's all folks! I hope everyone has a good, Darwin-like Saturday... Because I'd love to be able to talk to you tomorrow! Until next time - Witte out.

I Own It

Ayooo! Happy almost Friday!

Praise Pennsatucky!

So, today's bliggity blog is about how I've realized that I have a bullshit defense mechanism. You know, like how people have defense mechanisms because they have trust issues or commitment issues or something else. Well, I have bullshit issues. At first, I thought the Lord was just testing me... Over... And over again. Not one of those "agree or disagree" tests, either. No. One of those "x + (Courtney - insanity) = y. What'd the Pope eat for dinner?" type of tests. Well, for quite sometime, I'd sit and try to figure it out all the while this was happening inside:

*Spoiler Alert* His head literally explodes into flames.

That was no fun, so I decided to subconsciously create some type of mechanism to brush off the bullshit. A barrier, if you will. I have drawn up the charts, the pie graphs, all the bells and whistles, and I have developed the aforementioned mechanism. Ready? You ready for it? It's not copyrighted or trademarked, so I formally give you permission to use it. Here it is:

Being a sarcastic little shit is my bullshit barricade.

That's it. I know. It took me a while to calculate and experiment and do whatever else smart people do to test scientific theories, and it's confirmed. Let's turn to a success story to test to validity of my mechanism.

As you all probably know, I'm a bleeding heart, tree hugging liberal residing in the land of "these are my guns, pew pew, 'Merica" cacti. In case you were wondering, hugging cacti is not as fun as it might seem. Whilst attempting to spread my love for peace and social equality across the board, I was left to feel like this curious young pup...

My face is full of pricklies, all because I want gun control and I don't believe in being tough on crime, and I don't think that asshole fucker McFuckerson who killed 9 black people in their place of worship is "mentally ill." I think he's an asshole fucker McFuckerson who terrorized innocent people for no reason. And I don't see how someone named Muhammad is labeled a "domestic terrorist" but the white punk kid isn't.

*Disclaimer: Before I go on, the situation I'm referring to was with friends I've made here in the desert and we're all good now so luh you guys and don't take it personally!*

I learned pretty quickly that my kind is not welcomed with open arms here. It's no secret that Arizona isn't the... Um... Well... McCain and Arpaio. That's all I have to say. So, here I come skipping into town with my love for research, logic, open-mindedness, laughing and making light of things. Then I went into my first political argument... I thought to myself, "No, they won't attack my liberal beliefs and support for peace and social improvement, because this is an adult conversation, goddamnit!" And then, well...

It happened.

At first, I was like:

These muthafuckas...

BUT! Then my bullshit barrier launched up and I went into full sarcastic little shit mode!

I was going to have some fun with this.

Now, I can't recall the exchange verbatim, but it went something like:

"Obama is using this tragedy (the church killings by the white prick) to further his gun control agenda."

Okay. I hear you. So, naturally my response was: "Is that what he's doing? You talked to him?!? Ugh, lucky." I mean, how was I supposed to know that wasn't a legitimate paraphrase of Mr. President's words during their implied exchange?

Sooo, yeah. Safe to say that wasn't received too well; but at that point, I had been insulted to the n-th degree, even by a stranger who knew nothing about me, so I decided to switch gears and have a little fun with it. I must say, I loosened up a lot and got a solid chunk of laughs out of it. Is it my proudest intellectual moment? No, but it was funny.

Well, that is my introduction to my bullshit barricade! I've utilized it numerous times once discovering it. I imagine in the way that guys utilize it once th... Nevermind. Anyway, my sister told me my blogs are too long so I'm keeping this one short (I think? In my opinion it is, at least).

Until next time, Witte out!

(P.S. I wish someone would've told me when got pulled over at 19 years old for going 20 over the speed limit, that everything was Obama's fault. I could've just said "Hey cop, sorry, you know how that Obama guy is. Fuckin' up left and right, so here I am. Pulled over." That would've been nice.) 

YOU GUYS! What We Have Here Is...

... A classic case of "bitchassness." What is bitchassness, you ask? Well, according to urban dictionary, it is defined as: "The term coined by Diddy on Making the Band. Overall stank actions towards others through words, facial expressions, and/or song. Symptoms include: thinking your better than those around you, not speaking your true feelings, throwing large amounts of shade."

Who is the culprit? Well... BLOG.COM IS THE CULPRIT! You wonder why I have been inactive for about a week? I mean, maybe you haven't because not many read these, but the reason is because blog.com can't "connect to the server" or some crap so all my satirical genius is GONE! Into the abyss. Vanished. Now that, that, is some bitchassness if I've ever experienced any.

Oh well. I'll word vomit all over blogger.com instead. What up blogger.com! Holla atcha girl!

(Please don't leave me, I have trust issues as it is):

Gotta let it burn.

Goodbye blog.com. Blogger.com is my new canvas.

 
Anywho... Hey guys! How's everyone doing? I hope fantastic! Last time I checked in, I was in San Diego. Great trip home, but it's nice to be back in the desert with my feline and my female.

So, today I went on a run (in 108 degree heat - I never claimed to be the smartest... Actually, I have in an arrogant, albeit weak moment... But we all have our slips) and I was running alongside a pond/lake thing. Here's a quick visual. We live along what's referred to as the Scottsdale Greenbelt:

Imagine that going on for like 20 miles or something. It's a nice backyard to have.

Anyways, my questionable decision making self running in 108 degree heat was trudging along - mildly dying - when I saw a black duck and a white duck in the pond just moseying around together; so, naturally, my first thought would be, "There's no way those ducks thought about the other one's color before they decided to go on an afternoon stroll (swim?) together." Like, I'd be pretty surprised if the black duck was like "Bruh, get a tan, you're too white to be seen with. I don't mix with pale ducks."

So, continuing on with my not at all odd path of thinking here, I thought to myself, "how ridiculous is it that humans are probably the only evolved, intelligent species that literally looks at the physical appearance of someone, or the way someone chooses to live their life, and decides off of that whether or not that person is worthy of positive social interaction." I'm pretty sure if the white duck saw the black duck belly flop into the water instead of duck dive all pretty, it wouldn't be like "Ew, that duck is so not cool. Look how it dives. It's probably a shitty duck because it dives different than me, so I'm gonna go back to my corner of sewage where I belong because I have a shallow outlook on other ducks."

Further, assuming the white duck isn't a shallow prick who judges other ducks based on their diving score, I can't imagine that duck - or any other animal for that matter - would be so arrogant as to assume that they're entitled to this unsupported, uneducated judgment of other ducks. So, that leads to my question... What is it about humans that has lead to the installment of this idea that we are inherently deserving of the inconsequential ability to judge others? I can't talk to animals or anything, because if I did then I'd be wearing a bright white jacket that allows me to hug myself nonstop, but if I did I think they'd agree that we are the Regina George of breathing organisms... Just judging up a storm:

MAYBE YOU'RE THE SOCIALLY RETARDED AND WEIRD ONE REGINA! *CUE SCHOOL BUS*

When it comes down to it, humans are taught to judge. They're taught to discriminate. They're taught to spew hate at people they don't understand. Why? Because we're arrogant. We are too arrogant to admit that there are cultures and people and ideas that we don't understand, and that is okay. Instead, when we don't understand it, we call it queer. We call it a sin. We call them "rapists" and "drug lords." We call it weird and stupid. Luckily - forgive my French, but, THANK FUCK - my generation is experiencing a social shift in which people of all...

Colors

Shapes

And Sizes...

 










... Can live their lives and do whatever the hell they want (within reason - violence and meth are not ideal), hopefully with the comfort and assurance of knowing that the majority is shifting aggressively into acceptan... Y'know what? No. Not acceptance. I hate that word. You know why? Because who are you (general "you" not you specifically) to accept me and the way I choose to live my life? Instead, I'd like to propose that acceptance be replaced with "...shifting aggressively into minding their own damn business and keeping their own hands clean." And for that, I'm grateful and I'm finally proud to be part of a generation whom so many said was lost. We weren't lost. We just took the long way... Through the mountains... And every frat house in America... and a little bit of Amsterdam... To get here. And we had a damn good time doing it. Alas, here we are. Good job guys. Finally, and truly, the land of the free.

One last thing. You know I wasn't going to leave this alone, right?!? Wait for it... Wait for it...

First this.

And then... El Chapo's son does not like Trump's words.

 (Roughly translated by an internet article to: There is no cage for big Chapo. Keep f*cking around and I’m gonna make you swallow your bitch words you f*cking whitey milksh*tter.") ... (Spanish speaking comrades, feel free to chime in if this is way off. Luh you!)


Um, I don't know about you, but I'd be shitting my pants right about now. But I don't feel bad because Trump, being the sharp-tongued coward he is, has called the FBI to investigate these threats as serious threats. Ooh, okay. So you can talk all this shit about Mexicans with absolutely zero factual basis, but then a notorious drug lord escapes from prison and his son calls you out directly, and you run and cry. I mean, you have every right to be petrified, but hopefully every small child who's inevitably more likeable and intelligent than you will learn a lesson from this. I just... I literally...

 

That is how I feel regarding the topic, in song and dance form. And the fact that this guy is actually getting support is even more disturbing than our beloved, weight-losing Jared being even vaguely connected in some way (allegedly) to child pornography. What's next? Bill Cosby?

OH GOD! THAT'S HAPPENED TOO! The humanity! The next thing you know...

I'm just done if that happens. Done.

Soo, yeah... Those are my thoughts! Happy Tuesday to all and to all a goodnight!

Until next time, Witte out!