And the Darwin Award Goes To...

Hey guys!

I know it's been a while since I've written, but it's been a doozy of a few weeks!

Anways, today's topic is Darwinism... And, no, I'm not looking to get into some existential debate on evolution versus creationism. I don't really care because whatever, we're all here being stupid anyways; which takes me to the portion of Darwinism I'd like to discuss: Natural Selection. Essentially, good ol' Darwin asserted that evolution was driven by natural selection, which is the discrepant reproduction/fitness and survival capabilities of individuals as part of their phenotype, leading to their reproduction and evolution being favored over the less able. In layman's terms, only the strong survive.

Where did this come from, you wonder? Well, I was browsing through Reddit and came across a story of a guy out of La Jolla, CA. This guy tried to get a selfie with a rattlesnake. Yes, you read that correctly - he attempted to get close enough to a fucking RATTLESNAKE to get a selfie and not surprisingly at all, the snake was not feeling it. The snake said fuck you and bit the shit out of the guy's arm. And now - don't get me wrong, I think the price of health care in our country is shameful and completely outrageous - his medical bill is sparking a "national debate." A national debate because he tried to take a selfie with a rattlesnake and the bitch bit him... Like...

His bill is a little over $150,000 because they had to use all the anti-venom known to man, apparently, to save his dumbass. Again, do I think medical billing is greedy as hell and embarrassing as a citizen of this ass backwards health care industrialized country? Yes, 100%. However, do I feel bad that this guy has a fat bill because he tried to take a selfie with a poisonous, inherently dickish reptile? No, not at all. I feel bad for the kid with cancer with that same medical bill. This guy can go kick rocks... Maybe buy stock in selfie sticks to pay off those bills, for the sake of irony.

Onto the next story of people who, how they made it through infancy, I'll never know. Arizona's law on wearing helmets while operating a motorcycle amongst the path of vehicles is that only riders 17 years old and younger are required by law to wear helmets (only 19 states requires all riders to wear a helmet). Okay, I mean, they have that law but there's no way people actually take advantage of that absurd lack of safety precaution written into state law, right?

Oh no, people do. They weave through traffic, come out of nowhere, and speed excessively without any protection for their noggins. If you've ever driven a vehicle in Arizona, you'll know that people suuuuuuck at driving here. Luckily, having lived and driven in California, where motorcyclists can drive in between lanes, I'm seasoned in being hyper-aware of motorcyclists. However, in the past 4 months alone, I've seen two motorcyclists laid out on the pavement after being struck by a car, and they don't have a helmet on. I'm not assumptious enough to say they would've been in better shape had they been wearing a helmet, but I think chances of quicker recovery would've increased significantly if that were the case. In the end...

 

  

So, while we can have the creationism versus evolution debate until we're blue in the face, there's no arguing that evolution has a much more effective way of controlling the intellectual integrity of the human population. I mean, do what you want, but don't complain once that snake bites you. That little voice of hesitation is who we refer to as common sense, and that little buggar, whilst annoying and mom-like at times, is usually right. Believe me, I've done some questionable and stupid shit, but once that whisper turns into a scream, I tend to listen. So, yeah...

(Replace having sex with being a fucking moron.)

Anddd that's all folks! I hope everyone has a good, Darwin-like Saturday... Because I'd love to be able to talk to you tomorrow! Until next time - Witte out.