Obama is Bad Because He Is. Because.

Hey guys!

It's that day again... Saturday! Ayooo! I hope everyone has awesome plans and makes the best of it.

Okay... We knew the GOP debate wasn't going to not make it into this blog. C'mon now. It'll be too fun. Did everyone watch it, or at least hear about it? Oh boy, it was a good time. It was like going to the carnival but it was free! Well, kind of free since you have to pay your cable bill and it was on cable so technically you had... Nevermind.

Anyways, I took it upon myself to appoint the mascot for the GOP for this upcoming embarrassing attempt at making any logical sense... Oh, I mean election.

O'DOYLE RULES!!!

How'd I do? Not fulfilled? Okay...

Gang's all here! We've got Huckabee, Rubio, Bush and Trump.

I think it's an eerily accurate and well-representative mascot for this election's GOP candidate pool. *Spoiler alert: The O'Doyle's car slips on a banana peel and their station wagon goes over-board.* I think it's a metaphor. Poetic, eh?

Alright, let's get into it. I'm going to start with the good because I'm that kind of person. While 98% of the "debate" was cringe-worthy, albeit entertaining, I was pleasantly surprised by one portion. Before they started, I was ready for gay marriage to get kicked, punched, poked and thrown into an ignorant oblivion... But my assumption was premature and I was put in my place. I'll focus in on John Kisich. When asked about how he would response if his daughter hypothetically turned out to be gay, he responded with the following:

 "Well, look, I’m an old-fashioned person here, and I happen to believe in traditional marriage. But I’ve also said the court has ruled … and I said we’ll accept it. And guess what, I just went to the wedding of a friend of mine who happens to be gay. Because somebody doesn’t think the way I do doesn’t mean that I can’t care about them or I can’t love them. So, if one of my daughters happened to be that, of course I would love them, and I would accept them, because you know what, that’s what we’re taught when we have strong faith. Issues like that are planted to divide us. … We need to give everybody a chance, treat everybody with respect, and let them share in this great American dream that we have, Megyn."

Okay. That's an acceptable answer. Hats off, dude.

Again, credit needs to be given where credit is due... And here, credit is due. He could have easily stopped at the going to a gay wedding bit, but he continued on with sincerity, and for that, he's earned a few libby ("libera"... I made it up. I'm creative, I know. What up Webster!) points of awesomeness.

Now... For the not so good. While this blog could go on for quite sometime, nobody has time for that, so I'm going to hone in on the GOP's apparent war against women. While that sounds a bit hyperbolic, when legislation is being passed on behalf of women who have no say in it, it fits. Let's start with Mr. Rubio... Who vehemently, when confronted with it, denied supporting a clause in his anti-abortion legislation that exempted rape and incest. In other words, instead of saying "yes, I believe that when a woman is violently raped or the victim of incest, that abortion should be up to her;" he frantically denied supporting any exemptions, asserting that life beings at conception and there's no exception to that.

So, what you're saying, Mr. Rubio, that a woman who is raped must have that child because your God tells you that women don't deserve to have control of what happens to or what they do with their bodies? Oh, okay... Um... Just give me a second...

SALFUHSADFBWFLCAENL!!!!!!

... Hmph. I feel better. Oh, and fuck you. Come back to me when, God forbid (my God, not yours, because yours is a little confused), something egregious happens to a woman you know. Then, only then, we'll talk. Okay, now I feel way better.

And then there's Mike Huckabee. My god. You can't make this shit up. He comes in, using the Planned Parenthood debacle going on - which, don't get me wrong, that is some messed up stuff and needs to be investigated and dealt with immediately and severely - for his agenda. He pops off with this:

"It's time that we recognize the Supreme Court is not the supreme being, and we change the policy to be pro-life and protect children instead of rip up their body parts and sell them like they're parts to a Buick.”

While yes, that shouldn't be happening to children's bodies because, well, that's sort of a given, it has absolutely zero to do with safe, legal abortion for reasons that are none of our goddamn business. Talk about using an isolated event to further your agenda, like Obama apparently does whenever something tragic happens. But I'll sit down with that.

Actually, horse apples with that mess. I'll let you finish but...

...I'm not done yet. Tell me, if you're so "pro-life," what portion of your fortune do you plan on donating to help with raising all of these unborn babies that you're so gung ho about saving? I mean, you know it's not just the birth that happens, right? Someone has to raise the kid. No rush, I can wait for the answer... Here's a little help with your calculations: I read that the average cost of raising a child to 18 years old is $245,000. Based off the clearest statistic I could find, the number of abortions between 2012-2013 were approximately 327,653... So, let's math, shall we?

*Calculating* Okay, Huckabee, Rubio and others, I'll only need about $80,274,985,000 to raise all of the unborn children that you would like to force women to have, regardless of their situations. Your move:

I'll just wait here.

Disclaimer: Please know that I am pro-choice, but I don't in any way condone getting abortions. I think every one can make their own choices and if they believe the best choice is that, then do you boo! I ain't your mama, I'm not going to tell you what to do.

So, I mean, you can only imagine how the remainder of the debate went. I say, let's have a UFC-style viewing party for the next one. I'll make chips and homemade guac (I'm still bitter about your Mexico rant, Trump. I haven't forgotten.), and you all just bring yourselves. We'll have a grand ol' time, full of this:

lolololololol

And this:

No. Stop, don't. Pleas... Oh, you did it. It's done.

And all the while, lots of this:

Bottoms up... And again... One more time... Jk, again!

Get excited! This is going to be a fun election season. I'm sure you're wondering where Trump is in all of this, especially because I've given him a lot of light already; but I'm done with that fool. GOP-ers should be embarrassed that he's even gotten on the presidential debate stage. Our worst candidate is light years ahead of that clown.

I know this was a long one, but I hope you enjoyed it! Have an awesome Saturday as I will too :)

Until next time, Witte out.


Statistical sources:
http://money.cnn.com/2014/08/18/pf/child-cost/index.html

http://www.all.org/nav/index/heading/OQ/cat/MzQ/id/NjA3OQ/