Only Fools Rush In

Hey Guys!

I know it's been a while since I've written, but it's been a hell of a week trying to train the puppy. Luckily, my efforts and frustrations have not been in vain as she's picking it up quite quickly! Thank you, thank you, save the applause. Anywho, happy Sunday! Today, I'm feeling inspired to write about something I think we all, or at least most of us, can relate to... And that is...

DRUM ROLL PLEEEAAASE!!

... Falling in love! Yep, I'm taking Cupid head on. Now, falling in love, that is something little ol' me never even entertained the idea of. I was not a one person girl. Quite frankly, I was an asshole before Cupid shot that shit straight at my heart. I'd hang out with you a few times, then jet and completely vanish once I got bored. I swore off monogamy and marriage entirely. I was going to be a bridesmaid, never a bride, forever; and I was wholeheartedly okay with that.

Precisely.

 *Disclaimer: I'm going to be using my personal experience with this matter as a base for my perception of it.*

This was until I created an account for Twitter. Yes, Twitter.

So, you know that commercial that’s like “first doesn’t come love, first comes like” or some generic bullshit like that? While I scuff at the horrendously corny way they said it, the meaning of the message is true. When I first “met” mine, she followed me on Twitter. Now, at this time, I was new to this “Twitter” phenomenon, so I enlisted the help from my trusted little brother, who was in the know, to teach me about this; and more importantly, as I would come to learn, to figure out how to navigate to this pretty stranger’s page. As the avid student I am, I’ll say I got this Twitter thing down pretty quickly, so no sooner than this person following me, was I navigating her page and learned that she was a rapper and a “vlogger” (I still make the mistake of calling is “video blogging.” Oh, no, it’s “vlogging;” don’t get it twisted.).

Whilst utilizing my newly acquired Twitter skills, I was able to open one of her vlogs. This, there was no coming back from this. I watched it, and felt a tinge of something. I wasn't sure what this unfamiliar feeling was, so as a woman who had been with men my whole life, I brushed it off as mere friendly admiration. But then I found myself continuously returning to her... And responding to mostly everything she posted just to get a response from her... And then that thing happened again...

What is this sorcery happening in my chest?

I kept it light, and even (as she claims), "friend-zoned" her when she sent me a message in August telling me that I was beautiful. Between then and the fruition of our admiration, we were both dating (loose term) people, so the conversations were minimal; despite my burning allure toward her and the want for her attention. But I realized that I liked her. Not in the "oh, she's cool and probably fun to hang out with" kind of like-y way. No. In the "I hate that she's dating someone... How would I even go about this?" kind of like-y way. That's top 4 worst parts of the falling in love process - that initial hope that this person that you're developing a liking toward is even available for the... Taking? I don't know, but you know what I mean. By December, we'd both become single; and I wasted no time.

I didn't even try to act cool about it.

Well, actually, I gave her my number and totally lied saying I had to get off Facebook messenger, but could text. Mind you, she had 22,000+ followers on this Twitter machine, so the chances of really standing out were slim. It's interesting how that happens though, huh? You like someone, and all your coolness and swag and suaveness is gone. Poof. Later gator. And you become, for the lack of a better word, a chump, because you want this person. Bad.

So, so real.

So, after I tried to slyly get her to text me, I was sitting in a chair getting tattooed. As I can only imagine, part of the tattoo cost has to be a therapist interest, because my tattoo artist (luh you Jasmine) had the pleasure of being the first person I spilled my guts to about this girl. I had to tell someone and get it out of me! Anyways, I'm getting tattooed and my phone buzzes. I look at it and it's a number I don't recognize. Hm, 602 area code... Where the heck is that *clickity click on through Google to find out* Oh, Phoenix. Wait, hot Twitter girl lives in Phoenix. Ah yisss! Act cool Courtney, c'mon, keep it together!*

(602) 555-5555: Omg, your tattoo is turning out awesome!
Me: Hey girl, thanks :)
*Acting cool as a cucumber.*
(602) 555-5555: We'll have to get together when you're done!
*Hm, Phoenix is a bit far for a quick get together...*
Me: Totally! I'm sorry, I lost all my contacts (another lie), who's this?
*Not hot girl from Twitter - Friend of a friend. Damnit.*

Okay... She's acting a bit hard to get. Guys typically jump on that shit real quick. This is new.

I was legitimately confused. Like, you know during those first stages of like, you don't do something unless you're feelin' yourself and feeling confident that whatever you're doing is going to pay off. So, I gave her my number with the confidence that I was that awesome to talk to, that she'd surely jump at the opportunity to continue this conversation. No. Not the case.

I thought she recognized that, but I guess not.

So, now I'm salty because I put myself out there, only to be like...

Well, fuck me.

And no, ooh no, I was not going to reach out again. Nope. No messages, no favorites, no likes, no retweets - NOTHING! If she wants to talk to me, she can talk to me; this is a two-way thing sister. I did my part. Then you're trying to act hard, like "fuck that girl then, whatever;" when really, you're checking your phone incessantly, hoping to see an unknown number pop up. Pride and hope are two very conflicting feelings when it comes to liking someone.

Days pass... I stay strong. Do I continue to creep her page? Obviously. I can't miss something cute or funny. But I don't say anything because I'm not about to be thirsty and shut down again. Then on like the fourth day of nothing, my phone buzzes. I've long since lost hope so I don't really jump, but I'm still curious. *(623) 555-5555 ... Clickity clicking again. And it's Phoenix, again.*  I mean, once from Phoenix is one thing, but twice? This must be her.

(623) 555-5555: Hey it's Emily
Me: Oh, there you are :)

At this point, I'm staying cool by remembering that I'm still a little peeved that she took so long. I tried, but it doesn't last long; because that feeling that I had months ago is back, amplified with a vengeance. Finally! Finally that person you like gives you the time necessary to show them how much they should want you back. It is a glorious time in the falling in love process because it's your time to shine.

I got this. My time to shine!

Fast forward a few days:

(623) 555-5555: I think I have a crush on you
Me: I think it might be mutual

Yes! You did it! You broke through this seemingly impenetrable front this girl had put up, and got her! Out of 22,000 Twitter followers and the unquestionably endless real life options, she wants you. You thought you were feelin' yourself before? Oh no, that was nothing. Now you're like, ayeee...

Go girl, go on and brush yo' shoulders off.

I was falling fast from like to full on live (in between like and love... I read it in a book). It wasn't long before I purchased a flight to Phoenix to meet her. Yes, meet her. I had done some daring, arguably stupid shit in my life, but spending over $200 to meet someone and be stuck with them for 3 days, regardless of how the chemistry worked out, was high on that list.

A few weeks later, I'm walking toward baggage claim, where she's waiting, and I'm quite literally quivering with anxiety. Am I getting Catfished? Do I hug her? What if she doesn't like what she sees and she's just being polite? Oh god, I'm getting closer, holy shit!

Where you at EMT? Heart palpitations are happening!

... Then I saw her. God, she was even more beautiful in person. I didn't even know what to do but to awkward wave, like an idiot. She went to kiss me, but as a (former, now) opponent of PDA, I turn away (well, that, and I didn't know how being with a girl worked.). It's so stressful anticipating that first kiss. We all know, you can have awesome conversation with someone, totally hit it off, think they're all that and a bag of chips - the whole nine yards. But that can be quickly crashed and burned by a missed physical connection... That starts with the kiss.

Alright. Here we go. We're in the elevator and she's getting close. Okay, you can do this Courtney. You've done it before, it's the same thing... Except way better. Holy hell. That spark thing that people talk about, it's real. I look at her perplexed because I think my live is making a sharp turn to something way more real...

Seriously, it was. And it didn't crash and burn. Win.

We carried on to have a wonderful weekend, at the end of which I cried the entire flight home. I literally felt like I was being ripped from her, and I wasn't ready. Why wasn't I ready? Because I was in love. I was in love with her. I fell. The thing you never think would happen because there can't possibly be life after bars and one night stands (not me, never...). But it happened. Cupid, you little shit, you got me.

It's a fun ride though, falling in love. It's challenging, but fun. Now, almost two years later, I can't believe that I hang out with the same person every day. I never, ever expected this to be my life. But it is, and I love it. So, that's my experience with and perception of falling in love. I know it's a long one, but hopefully it was at least mildly relate-able / entertaining. However, my stomach is attempting to eat itself, so I have to go. I hope everyone has an awesome Sunday! Until next time, Witte out.